Primrose Path
by katechoco
Summary: Olivia becomes a victim in the worst way possible. Will she be able to find her way back, pick up her pieces and finally, heal? Will Elliot be able to help her?
1. Breathless

_**This is my new story :) Every chapter will be named after a song, some of its lyrics will be featured on it**_

_****__**Song: Breathless by Dan Wilson**_

_**Disclaimer: I do not own them**_

_I'm hunting shadows in the dark_

_In steaming jungles of the world_

_Either to kill or to be killed_

_By creatures never named or heard_

"Ok so let's sum it up: Our perp prefers brunettes, with successful careers. He attacks them on their apartment, beats them up and rapes them. He doesn't use a condom, so we have fluids and semen but nothing to compare them to. He wears a mask so the victims cannot ID him. Until now, we have five victims and no perp." Elliot let out a deep sigh as he finished summing up the case.

It was one of those frustrating cases, where they had to deal with one rapist-ghost. No one would see him before or after the attack. The victims had nothing in common except from their physical appearance and the fact that they had successful careers.

"It is possible that he had a relationship in the past with a woman who fits his MO and she dumped him, so he started raping women who looked like her to satisfy some short of twisted need of revenge." Huang said to the rest of the team.

"But how did he found out about their career? Did he stalk them? Cause if he did, he made damn sure that no one ever saw him" Fin asked pissed.

"Not necessarily. Look I just found those: they were all on the newspaper because of some success story on their jobs, the last month" Olivia said who had just entered the room with a pile of newspaper in her lap. Fin groaned.

"So what now? Check the newspaper every day and find every woman that might fit his MO?" Munch asked with a tired voice. They were all wrecked. They had been working this case three days non-stop and they were all a pile of nerves from the dead ends they kept meeting

"It might not seem reliable but for now it's the only thing we have." Cragen pointed. "But for now, everyone, go home and get some rest, I want you here first thing tomorrow morning with a clear mind" he continued in a non-negotiable tone and left the room. Everyone started packing their things and leaving mumbling tired 'goodnights'.

Olivia and Elliot were the last to leave. They made their way out of the empty precinct without talking. Before they reached their cars Elliot rubbed his forehead

"The faster we found our guy the better. God I hate those cases." Olivia nodded in agreement

"Yeah… How can you look those women it the eye and tell them that their attacker is still out there and we have no clue who the hell is?" she said with frustration. This case was getting into her head too.

"That's the worst part. Anyway, I'm gonna go now, I really really need some sleep" Elliot said letting out a small yawn

"Tell me about it. Goodnight El" Elliot waved and got into his car. Olivia stood for a moment watching him leave and then left herself.

She opened the door of her building and made her way to the elevator. She leaned on the wall waiting for it. God she was so tired. After making it to her floor she walked to the empty hall towards her apartment. She unlocked her door relieved that she was finally home. She closed the door behind her and threw her badge and gun on the kitchen counter. She entered the living room and while she was taking her coat of she thought about the hot shower she would take on some minutes.

It happened so fast. One moment she was dropping her coat on a chair and the next thing she knew, someone was grabbing her from behind, placing his hands around her neck, choking the life out of her.

_**I know that it's very small chapter. More will be up soon as long as I get enough reviews ;) xoxo kate**_


	2. Comfortably Numb

_**WARNING!:This chapter contains scenes of sexual violence**_

_**Disclaimer: I sadly do not own SVU and its characters**_

_**Song: Comfortably Numb by Pink**_** Floyd**

* * *

Olivia gasped trying to take a breath but it was impossible. Her eyes were watering when he threw her on the begun crawling away but he was faster and when his foot connected with her stomach Olivia yelled in pain. But she didn't give up. She saw a chair in front of her and grabbed it trying to stand up. She felt him behind her and so she turned around and punched him hard across his masked face. He gasped.

Olivia didn't lose any time. She run for the door but once again he was faster, she grabbed her again and sent her flying to crash against the wall. Olivia saw stars as her body rolled down and fell heavy on the floor. He stood in front of her blocking her way.

"Somebody help!" She yelled with all her might. He laughed. He grabbed a handful of her hair forcing her to stand up and then he slapped her, one, two, three times across her face Olivia moaned again from the pain. Her cheeks were burning.

He threw her on the floor again and before she was able to do anything, he started kicking her all over her body hard

"No! no! Stop! Please!" she whimpered in agony

"Shut up bitch!" he growled and then he straddled her.

"NO! Get of me! Nooo!" Olivia was moving like crazy beneath him. He then took out from his pocket a small knife

"I said shut the fuck up" he hissed pushing the knife onto her neck. Olivia felt the cold blade against her skin and shivered in fear. No…no this can't be happening, it couldn't be true…

_Hello?_

_Is there anybody in there?_

_Just nod if you can hear me_

_Is there anyone at home?_

"Please don't" She said, hating herself for having to beg this bastard. He laughed again

"We are going to have some fun, me and you" he said and grabbed both Olivia's hands and placed them above her head. Then he used the knife to tore apart her shirt and bra

He used his knee to force her legs apart. Olivia's mind went cold when she felt his hands opening the buttons of her pants. No, she wouldn't give up. She fought hard to break free, tried to kick but his heavy body was crashing her legs. He moved her pants down her legs.

_Come on, now_

_I hear you're feeling down_

_Well I can ease your pain_

_Get you on your feet again_

"No…no…help!" she tried to yell but he punched her and brought the knife once again on her neck, this time he pressed harder and Olivia felt blood running down her neck. He moved the knife on her panties and ripped them apart

"Don't do this…please" she begged. She closed her eyes. She heard him unzipping his pants. Hot tears were running down her face. She felt his throbbing member on her entrance.

_Relax_

_I'll need some information first_

_Just the basic facts_

_Can you show me where it hurts?_

And then, he forced himself into her. Olivia gasped. She couldn't talk, she couldn't move, she couldn't think as he was thrusting again and again inside her. The pain was unbearable, it was ripping her apart. He kept going harder and faster. He crashed his body onto hers and started kissing her face, biting her lips

"Fuck baby, you feel so good" he whispered in her ear as he kept thrusting. Olivia opened her mouth but the only thing that came out was a small whimper.

_There is no pain you are receding_

_A distant ship's smoke on the horizon_

_You are the only coming through in waves_

_Your lips move but I can't hear what you're saying_

He groaned as he came inside her. He let her hands free from his tight grip and Olivia let them fall to the side. He stood up and zipped his pants. He took one look to Olivia who was lying on the floor without moving, only tears were running down her face. Then he took of.

_When I was a child I had a fever_

_My hands felt just like two balloons_

_Now I've got that feeling once again_

_I can't explain you would not understand_

_This is not how I am_

Olivia heard her door opening and closing but she couldn't move. Every inch of her body was aching in pain. She was trembling uncontrollably. As she laid there, only one word was pounding in her head: Survive.

_I have become comfortably numb_

And so, using all her might, she crawled to her coat and took out her cell. With trembling hands, she pressed the buttons and brought the phone to her ear.

_Okay_

_Just a little pinprick_

_There'll be no more_

_But you may feel a little sick_

Elliot groaned in his sleep as he heard his cell ringing. He reached for it with one hand

"Stabler" he said in a sleepy voice. He could hear someone breathing from the end of the line. "Hello?" he said again.

"Elliot" He rose from his bed immediately. Her voice was barely audible and filled with agony.

_Can you stand up?_

_I do believe it's working good_

_That'll keep you going through the show_

_Come on it's time to go_

"Liv? Are you ok?" he asked

"Come here, please. I…need…your help" there was a noise like she had dropped the phone down

_There is no pain you are receding_

_A distant ship's smoke on the horizon_

_You are the only coming through in waves_

_Your lips move but I can't hear what you're saying_

"Liv? Liv? Shit" He mumbled and jumped from the bed. He grabbed his clothes and wore them. In two minutes, he was out of his apartment

Back to her place, Olivia was lying on the floor with the phone to her side as she had finally surrendered into the darkness.

_When I was a child I caught a fleeting glimpse_

_Out of the corner of my eye_

_I turned to look but it was gone_

_I cannot put my finger on it now_

_The child is grown the dream is gone_

_I have become comfortably numb_

_**So I had a really hard time writing this chapter and so I'd appreciate it if you'd leave a review, telling me what you think about it!**  
_


	3. Wait for me

_**Thanks everybody for the reviews, the alerts etc. They are really keeping me motivated! Oh and to just clear something up: English is not my native language and so please forgive any spelling or grammatical mistakes!**  
_

_I'm gonna ask you to look away_

_I love my hands but it hurts to pray_

_Life I have isn't what I'd seen_

_The sky's not blue and the field's not green_

_Wait for me…._

"Liv?" "Liv it's me Elliot". When he knocked for the second time and Olivia still wasn't asnwering, he wasted no more time. He fell on the door with all his force knocking it open. He rushed inside with his gun on his hand. He stood in the hallway for a second when he noticed a pair of feet sticking up from the living room. He run towards it and he immediately went pale on the sight in front of him.

Olivia was lying on the floor, with her clothes torn, her pants thrown beside her and her panties gone. Bruises were covering the biggest part of her body. Elliot let the gun fall from his hand and rushed to her side. He placed his fingers on her neck searching for a pulse. When he found one, he placed his hands on both sides of her face. She was paler than a ghost.

"Liv, please open your eyes come on…" He shook her a bit

Her eyes flickered for a moment and then opened. Olivia gasped and pulled away from him

"No! please don't touch me!" she cried in fear

"Liv it's me Elliot. It's me" She stopped as she recognized him

"El?" she said, her voice trembling

"Yeah. Come on, we need to get you to a hospital" he said softly. Olivia nodded and tried to reach for her pants with shaking hands. When Elliot moved in order to help her she pushed him away.

"I'll do it" she mumbled. When she was done, Elliot took her coat from the chair and covered her with it. Then he scooped her up to his arms. She held onto his neck tight and buried her face to his chest.

"Come on Liv. It's ok, you're ok" he whispered to her ear, feeling her breathing hard and fast against his chest

Once they arrived to the hospital, he rushed her to the ER where they placed her immediately to a stretcher but before they pulled her away, Olivia grabbed Elliot's hand.

"Come with me" she mumbled

"I'm not going anywhere" he responded and held her hand tight into his.

As they got her into a room and while they waited for a doctor to come, Elliot went out and took out his phone. It wasn't pleasant and he would never have thought that he was going to do that but it had to be done. So he dialed Cragen's number and waited for him to pick up.

"_Cragen"_

"Captain it's Elliot"

"_What's going on?"_

"Captain, Liv… she was… attacked" he swallowed hard. He couldn't bring himself to say the word

"_Where are you? Is she with you?"_

"We are at the hospital"

"_Elliot, was she raped?"_

Silence

"_Elliot?"_

"Yes." Was all he managed to say

Now it was time for silence to come from the other side of the line.

"Listen, we need CSU in her apartment, that's where it… happened"

"_I'll call them and I'll be there as soon as I can"_

"Ok Cap"

"_And Elliot?"_

"Yeah?"

"_Take care of her"_

"I will"

Elliot hung up and returned to the room. Liv was lying on the bed wearing a hospital gown. She was staring at her clothes that were packed in paper bags, labeled as 'evidence'. Her face was blank, with not a single trace of emotion.

"Liv?"

"Yeah."

"I called Cragen."

"You had to."

"He's sending CSU over to your apartment."

"Good."

"Ms Benson?"

Elliot looked at the nurse who had just entered the room

"If you are ready, the doctor will come now to proceed with the rape kit"

Elliot turned his eyes to Olivia. She was still staring at the bags in front of her, her face still emotionless.

"I am." A single tear rolled down her face.

Elliot unsure what to do he started walking towards the door. When Olivia didn't stop him, he exited the room and leaned to the wall.

Inside the doctor was explaining to Olivia the procedure. He didn't know that she was familiar with it, that she had stood through it so many times, to support so many women. But she didn't stop him, she just listened with the same apathetic look.

"If at any moment you need a break, you just tell me, ok Ms Benson?"

"Okay."

Photos of the injuries were taken, fluids were collected. Olivia was quiet during this part of the procedure. Then it was time for the pelvic exam. She laid on the table and placed her legs on the stirrups. But when the doctor sat down to begin, Olivia immediately took her feet away and held them together.

Her mind was a blur, her breathing became heavy.

"Ms Benson? Do you need a break?" the doctor said softly.

"Just give me a minute" she mumbled and closed her eyes, leaning her head back. A millions images were running through her mind. In the end, she just focused on one and suddenly she felt calmer. Her breathing steadied

She placed her legs back on the stirrups.

The doctor started the exam. Olivia gasped in pain and grabbed the sheets above her, but she didn't back off. She brought the image to her mind again and stoically went through it

After some hour the exam was over. The doctor stepped out of the room and run into Elliot who was standing outside the whole time. Cragen had came to joined him.

"You can go inside if you want. We would like to keep her overnight for observation because of her concussion" he said

"Ok, thank you doctor" Elliot said and turned to Cragen who nodded to him

"Go, I'll wait here"

Elliot went inside to find Olivia with the same expression he left her, blank almost lifeless, staring at the empty wall in front of her.

"Liv? Everything alright? You need me to bring you something?"

"I'm good"

"The doctor said that he wants to keep you tonight for observation"

"I'm staying. It's not like I have anywhere to go. CSU would still be to my apartment"

"Fine. Cragen's here. Do you want me to tell him to come in?"

"No. I just want some peace"

"Do you want me to go to your apartment and bring you anything?"

She stood silent for a moment

"Liv?"

"Clothes, they uh, they took mine so…"

"Ok got it."

He left the room again, finding this time not only Cragen but Fin also outside. They both turned to look at him

"I'm coming from her apartment, CSU's still there. The bathroom window was broken, he must had gotten in from there. There are signs of struggle in the living room." Fin said. He had a dark expression.

"Did she say anything?" Cragen asked Elliot who shook his head negatively

"She just wants to be left alone. I have to go to her apartment and bring her some clothes…"

"It's ok, I figured she'll need them and I got some for her" Fin interrupted him pointing at a small bag beneath him

"Thanks Fin, I'll give them to her" Elliot said and picked up the bag

"We're going to go now, you'll stay here?" Cragen asked Elliot who nodded. Fin had started to walk away when Cragen turned again to Elliot

"You know she has got to talk. I don't say that you have to push her, but… she knows too, how important this is."

"Yes, but not tonight"

Cragen looked at him for a second then he turned and followed Fin.

Once again, he stepped inside Olivia's room with the bag in his hands. This time, she was curled on her side, facing the direction opposite to him

"Liv, Fin was in your apartment so he brought you some clothes." He placed the bag to a chair. Olivia didn't even acknowledge his presence.

"I'm going to be outside if you need anything ok?"

Still silence.

Olivia listened to Elliot leaving the room, but didn't say a thing. She laid on the bed of the dark room with her eyes wide open. Sleep was not an option tonight.

_I'm gonna ask you to look away_

_A broken life will never stay_

_Tried too hard and I always lack_

_Days are gray and the nights are black_

_Wait for me…._

_Wait for me…._

_**Will Olivia talk to Elliot? What the next day will be like? Please review, tell me what you think, I appreciate it! **  
_


	4. Nights In White Satin

_**Can I just take a moment to say how much I can't wait for september to come and for season 14 to start! Till then, reruns, reruns and reruns!**_

_**Disclaimer: I do not own Law & Order: SVU**_

_**Song: Nights in White Satin by Moody Blues**_

The next morning Elliot walked into Olivia's room to find her getting dressed.

"Liv?"

"Will you take me to the station?" she asked while she was tying her shoes, without even looking at him

"Liv what are you doing?" he asked a bit startled

"I need to make a statement, don't I"

"Liv, nobody's rushing you into anything…"

"Just take me to the station El"

For the first time since he had found her last night, Olivia looked at him straight into the eyes

Elliot looked back at her. Her once warm chocolate eyes were now empty and cold and Elliot felt a knob rising up to his throat so he turned his gaze away.

"Let's go" he said simply and they walked out of the hospital together without saying another word.

* * *

At the precinct, Olivia sat across Cragen, in his office. They were alone in the room. Olivia was staring at the floor with her arms folded in front of her

"I thought, it is better this way. No one can hear us here" Cragen said calmly

"They're going to read it afterwards anyway"

"But now you can talk, without fearing that someone is hearing at the same time"

Olivia let out a bitter laugh

"You think that's what I'm afraid of?"

Cragen stared at her. She was still looking at the floor

"Liv, whenever you feel ready, begin" he said in a low voice

Olivia stood silent for second and then, always staring at the floor, she started talking

"I had just came home. I went to the living room and left my coat on a chair. That was when he grabbed me from behind and tried to choke me. Then he threw me to the floor. I managed to crawl away but he kicked me on the stomach. I attempted to reach for a chair in front of me. I felt him behind and so I turned and punched him. I run for the door, but he caught up with me and crashed me against a wall. I fell down and he came and grabbed me from the hair. He slapped me and then he threw me on the floor again. He began kicking me again and again and again, all over my body. Then, he straddled me. I tried to get away but he put a knife to my throat and told me to shut up. He grabbed my hands and kept them above my head. He used the knife to rip my shirt and bra. He…he pushed my pants down. I fought, I fought him again but he put the knife again to my throat to the point that blood came out. Then he used it to rip my…my underwear. And then…then…."

Olivia took a deep breath. She had gone through the whole thing without stopping at any point but now somehow her voice just wouldn't come out

"Then he raped me" she said after some seconds. Her voice was drained from every emotion. All this time her eyes were stuck on the floor but as she was saying that, she turned to look at Cragen. He was looking at her the whole time without even blinking.

"He finished inside me, and just like that, he stood up and left. From the door. He just opened it and left. I crawled to my coat and took my phone out. I called Elliot and told him to come over. He came and got me to the hospital" she finished her story with the same apathetic voice.

"You did very good Liv" Cragen said softly turning off the recorder. "I want you to take as much time you need ok?"

She nodded. The silence in the room was now thick

"I begged" Olivia whispered suddenly" I begged him to stop, but he wouldn't…" she was staring at the floor again

"I begged" she whispered again.

"Olivia, no one is blaming you for anything."

She shook her head and without saying another word, she got up and left the office

She didn't stop even to look at anybody, she just left the precinct and headed home.

* * *

"Captain?"

Cragen raised his head. He was staring at a paper in front of him for the last fifteen minutes but he hadn't actually read a word it said. He looked at Fin who was standing at the door of his office holding something

"Yes" he said and waived for him to come in. He did, and closed the door behind him. The expression on his face could almost be described as pained

"Brunette, successful career, attacked on her apartment…" He swallowed hard and went on "Beaten and raped without a condom…That's our serial rapist"

Cragen felt his blood run cold

"How did he find her?" his voice was trailing with anger, he couldn't control it anymore

Fin without a word tossed a newspaper on Cragen's desk. There it was, an article about one of Olivia's latest successful cases followed by a big picture of her.

* * *

Olivia unlocked her front door. She made her way slowly to the living room were she stood for a moment looking over the mess that CSU had left behind. Without moving a nerve, she walked through it totally ignoring the chaos and went to her bedroom. She took all her clothes off one by one and entered her bathroom.

She opened the tap and a few minutes later the bathroom was filled with steam. She stepped into the tub and spent the next twenty minutes scrubbing every part of her body forcefully.

After she was done, she put on some clothes and went to her living room again. Without wasting another minute, she started cleaning up the mess. She scrubbed and washed every inch of it with almost the same force she had applied to her body earlier. When everything was spotless, Olivia turned her attention to the carpet that was occupying the middle of the room. With no further hesitation she wrapped it and put into the hallway's closet, keeping in mind to toss it away later.

She returned to the living room and stared at the now, bare wooden floor. Her expression hadn't change a bit since the moment she had entered her home, it was the same perfect, emotionless mask.

But as she was staring at the bare floor, suddenly something inside her flinched. And then she found herself on the floor crying, sobbing and shaking. She hugged her feet protectively and stayed in this position for hours, until outside went dark.

When she had cried herself out completely, to the point that she thought, there were no more tears left inside her, she lifted up wincing in pain. She felt completely sore. She hadn't let herself feel the pain she was in because of the beating. But now it was like every inch of her body was aching. She walked through the dark apartment, not bothering to turn on any lights. She went into her bedroom and locked the door behind her.

Olivia curled to her bed and it was only a matter of seconds before she fell into an uneasy sleep.

_She felt the carpet being wrapped around her tight and someone laughed evilly. She tried to see who it was but she couldn't, not because she wasn't able to, but because he didn't have a face. Then she felt the carpet violently being unwrapped again and she was falling and falling… until she hit a concrete floor._

_She stood up and tried to make out where she had found herself but everything was a blur, except from voices, muffled at first but quickly they became clearer. She heard a woman yelling and a little girl crying and begging and then, glass crashing. After, it wasn't a blur anymore and she could see the little girl crying and the woman yelling and suddenly bringing her hand with force down to the girl's cheek. The hand made a slapping noise and the girl continued to cry even harder_

"_Mommy please! Please I'm sorry!" the little girl plead_

"_You're just a waste of space! You can't do anything right! Now get out of my sight!" the woman yelled and reached to open yet another bottle of vodka. The girl walked out of the kitchen crying and holding her burning cheek._

_She followed the girl and watched her crawling on a corner of her room while silent tears were running down her face. She wanted to go and hug the girl, wipe her tears away, kiss her burning cheek, tell her that's it's going to be ok, that's she's not a waste of space, so she tried to move but something was holding her back, she stretched her hands but she was moving away, she was moving away from her, when the only thing she wanted was to hug and make the little girl feel loved ,the little girl that once was herself…._

_Her surroundings change rapidly and now everything was again a blur. Once again she heard voices, they were loud and clear. She heard screams and pleading and she wished more than anything that the image would stay blur, because she couldn't relieve that pain, it was just so fresh, the wounds were still bleeding. From the other pain now there were just scars, deep, but scars nonetheless. But the image kept becoming clearer and clearer and she couldn't keep herself from screaming along with the woman who was laying on the floor, begging the man above her, crying. And once again, she was unable to move, unable to go and save her own self from enduring such pain, physically and emotionally… She yelled and cried and fought but nothing change, and then everything started spinning and people were floating like they were dancing, their voices echoing around_

"_You're just a waste of space!"_

"_Mommy please!"_

"_Shut up bitch!"_

"_No, get off me!"_

_She couldn't handle it anymore, she was crying and tried to run. She was running now in an empty corridor, there was something at the end of it. She got closer and saw a mirror. She looked at her reflection, she looked at her face, but there was no face._

"_No!" she heard herself screaming again and again_

"_No!"_

"No!"

Olivia woke up panting. Drops of sweat were running down her whole body, and she was shaking. She realized that she was crying, sobbing violently. She laid there for some minutes crying and then she lifted her sore body up. She went towards the full length mirror that was occupying one corner of her bedroom. For a moment she hesitated but then she took some steps and stood in from of it. As she was gazing at her reflection, she made a promise to herself, one that she could not take back, ever.

_Nights in white satin, never reaching the end_

_Letters I've written, never meaning to send_

_Beauty I've always missed, with these eyes before_

_Just what the truth is, I can't say anymore_

_Cold hearted orb that rules the night_

_Removes the colors from our sight_

_Red is gray and yellow white_

_But we decide which is right_

_And which is an Illusion..._

**_What promise did Olivia make? And where is Elliot?_**_  
_

**_So please take a moment to leave a review, it really means a lot!_**


	5. I've Seen That Face Before

_**Sorry for the delay, I've been out of the city for some days and off to a beautiful island to enjoy some lazy days on the beach :)**  
_

_**Anyway, on with the story!**_

_**Disclaimer: I do not own SVU**_

_**Song: I've seen that face before/Libertango by Grace Jones**_

* * *

_Strange, I've seen that face before, _

_Seen him hanging 'round my door, _

_Like a hawk stealing for the prey, _

_Like the night waiting for the day_

Elliot was sitting on the end of the mid-crowded bar with an almost empty glass in front of him. He looked as if he had aged almost ten years in past three days. With one robotic move he finished his drink and taped his fingers on the bar for another round. As soon as the glass was again in front of him, he emptied almost half of it at once.

"Does it help at all?"

He didn't even stir hearing the familiar voice

"Hardly" he growled.

"I thought so. I'll have the same please"

Casey slipped at the chair next to him as she placed her order. He still hadn't turned to look at her.

"How's Liv?" she asked

He shook his head softly and drank some more. A few minutes passed in silence as they were both sipping silently their drinks.

" I haven't slept in two days" Casey said in a quiet voice suddenly

" Ever since I got this job, I question myself and my sanity almost every day" she went on " I had managed to come to terms with a lot of things, and I thought that I've seen so many horrid that I'd be able to contemplate with everything I'd come across with. But when I heard what happened…about Olivia… It was like everything went to a new level of pain to deal with" she admitted, the cool she'd tried to maintain in her voice, breaking down.

Elliot turned to look at Casey for the first time since she'd arrived. She was pale, with a pained and scared expression across her face.

"Have you gone to see her?"

The question came to shot a feeling of guiltiness through his body

"Not after she got out of the hospital"

Casey looked at him, the way he was playing with his empty glass, his humped posture, the darkness and pain into his eyes.

"She won't blame you for anything Elliot, you couldn't have…"

"Yeah, I know" he interrupted her sharply and rose from his chair.

He tossed some money across the bar stool and began marching to the door when Casey's voice stopped him.

"Just go Elliot. You'll both feel better"

Without turning to face her, he nodded and then got out of the bar and into the night.

* * *

He walked slowly towards her building. The night was pleasantly warm, but as he looked up to where he knew her apartment was, he shivered. The last days had gone by almost mechanically, he was going from work to his home and vice versa without really thinking much. He hadn't let himself to. He was afraid, afraid of the pain, the guilt, he didn't think he could handle it. He also wanted to give her some space. The way she had acted at the hospital, even if it was predictable, still, he thought that she needed her space to contemplate what happened, as if such thing was possible.

But really, who was he kidding? It wasn't Olivia's well being he had in mind, no. His own damn guilt, his fucking guilt and nothing else. He had listened to her statement after she had left and, and he got to hear how cold and unfazed her voice sounded and he could only imagine how much cold and emotionless her expression and posture must have been, to a point where it almost caused him physical pain.

Without realizing it he was now out of her apartment. He lifted his hand to knock but left it for a minute hanging in the air. Then, he brought it determiningly down on the door.

Some seconds passed and then the door was opened and Olivia appeared there. Her posture revealed how much of a struggle must have been the movement from wherever she was to the door, she was still in a lot physical pain, it was obvious. Elliot's eyes stood for a second to a bruise on her cheek and then to a cut in her forehead, and finally came to rest upon her beautiful brown eyes, that were as if empty, glassy, drained of every other emotion except from pure pain.

And then it happened. He couldn't hold himself back anymore, he just couldn't.

He collapsed to his knees and hugged her waist. Olivia stunned from his move, stood still but then she felt him shaking with sobs against her, she placed her hands and rested them to his shoulders.

"I am sorry" he said his head buried against the softness of her arms

"I'm so sorry Liv. Oh God, will you ever forgive me?"

"El…" she managed to whisper

She wasn't blaming anyone for what happened, except probably herself for letting this bastard trapping her off guard. But then again, there was little she could do being unarmed and with him pressing a knife against her throat. She understood that. She also understood why Elliot was asking her to forgive him. Every time something happened to him, she couldn't help but feel a little responsible for not preventing it even though she knew that she wouldn't be able to. She understood all those things. That's why now she was letting Elliot melting down in front of her like this, even though the last thing she was seeking these days was human contact

The last three days she hadn't left her apartment not once. She figured that the food that was on the fridge would last her for some days, given that her appetizer had dropped dramatically. She didn't distinguish day from night anymore. She would sleep for hours straight, before waking up from various nightmares. She would walk around her apartment and then go back to her bedroom, where she could stare at the tv for hours, not really paying any attention.

And now Elliot was here. She would have lied if she told that she wasn't expecting him. She knew, that he would give her space, especially after she pushed him away at the hospital, that he would give her time, he would give himself some time for everything to sink in.

But he would eventually come to her. And despite her voluntarily isolation, Elliot on her doorstep was a relief, because she couldn't deny it, she needed it him. And from what she could make out, he needed her too.

They stayed some minutes like this, with him clutched on her waist, breathing softly on the inside of her arms. Then Olivia slowly took his hand on hers and helped him up. His sparkling blue eyes met her chocolate ones. They gazed into each other's eyes for a long moment

"Want to talk?" he asked quietly

She hesitated for a second, but then she took one more look to his eyes

" Yes" she said finally and they walked, with their hands linked, inside.

_Strange, he shadows me back home, _

_Footsteps echo on the stones, _

_Rainy nights, on Hausmann Boulevard, _

_Parisian music, drifting from the bars_

_Tu cherches quoi, rencontrer la mort, _

_Tu te prends pour qui, toi aussi tu detestes la vie_

* * *

_**Will Olivia talk to Elliot? How are they both going to deal with what happened?**_  
_**Please take some time to leave a review and tell me what you think about the story!**_


	6. Wonderwall

_**Thank you everyone for your support in this story! It truly means a lot!**_

_**Disclaimer: I do not own SVU (If only!)  
**_

_**Song: Wonderwall by Oasis**_

* * *

_Today is gonna be the day  
That they're gonna throw it back to you  
By now you should've somehow  
Realized what you gotta do  
I don't believe that anybody  
Feels the way I do, about you now_

They walked inside the apartment and past the living room. As they reached the door of her bedroom, Olivia turned and looked at Elliot.

"I can't sit there. Not yet." She said simply and Elliot nodded. On the light of the recent events, it was expectable.

He followed her inside and watched her as she went to sit on the edge of the bed. He stayed on the door and for several minutes they stood like that, Olivia on the bed, gazing somewhere on the floor, her eyes not anywhere near Elliot's totally avoiding eye contact with him, who was standing watching her

He couldn't take it anymore. He slowly moved towards her and kneeled beside her.

"Talk to me Liv." He whispered, with an unmistakable beg in his tone.

She turned to look at him and Elliot was able to see in her beloved chocolate eyes, behind the pain that was feeling them, a glimpse of their old sparkle. And that was enough to give him some courage and hope.

"Don't make me talk about what happened cause I think you know that in every detail already, so there's no point for a repeat, isn't it"

"Just talk to me. About anything you want" his voice was soothing, calm, it sounded like melody to her.

"When I was little and I would hurt myself and got upset over it, my mom would take me in her arms and comfort me. She would shook me gently, caressed my hair and kissed me where I was hurting. She would whisper sweetly to my ear that everything was going to be ok. And no matter how much it hurt, I always felt better. It's one of those moments that I sometimes miss very much"

Although her voice was trembling and her eyes were glassy from tears, Elliot could see the small smile that had crept to her lips. Olivia continued and her voice was quieter now.

"During the rape kit, there was a moment where I lost it, I couldn't breathe, I panicked. But then I brought this image of my mother to my mind and I kind of felt like she was there with me, hugging me and whispering to my ear. And that made the whole thing less horrifying. It got me through."

Elliot reached for Olivia's hand and held it tight into his. He kind of expected her to draw it back, but she didn't. He figured she needed the courage now that she decided to talk, so he just squeezed her hand silently and let her take her time to continue.

Olivia sighed. All those days with absolutely no human contact, she had thought a lot. And now she felt like she was ready to let it all out, wishing that would bring her one step closer to healing.

"I'm thinking a lot about her those days" she confided. "About what happened to her and how she dealt with it. But our situations are never going to be the same because I…" she exhaled deeply again and Elliot suspected what was coming before she even formed the words

"I took the pill at the hospital" she said finally. Her voice had a new determination on it but the sorrow still hadn't left her eyes.

"I didn't think about it at all, I just… took it."

Olivia suddenly raised from where she was sitting on the bed and walked to a corner of her room were a full length mirror stood. She stood in front of it, staring at her reflection intently

" When I got back home and found myself all alone, I started to realize that the thing I was most afraid of wasn't that I might be attacked again or that I will hear his voice in my head constantly… "

"What I was most afraid of, was that I would become my mother. That even without a baby, I would become like her"

She stopped talking and raised her hand to touch her reflection, as if she was trying to find something there, something hidden and untraceable. When she went on talking, Elliot was startled to hear her voice coming out strong and more determined than ever.

"So I made a promise. I promised to myself that no matter how scared, vulnerable or weak I might feel, I will not become like her. Whatever might happen, I will take it and handle it, without pitying myself or letting it dominate me. I promised that to myself and I will not take that promise back, ever"

Elliot stepped slowly behind her. He carefully took her hand away from the mirror and buried it inside his own. Then he moved his mouth close to her ear, feeling her hot skin against his lips

"You are not your mother and you will never be. You are the most strong person I've ever met Olivia Benson. You never stop amazing me. And I have faith in you. Faith that you will pull it through. But never forget or doubt that I am here for you. I'll never leave you again Liv, never, do you hear me?"

Olivia turned to face him. Her chocolate eyes met his sparkling blue ones, where she could only see honesty. Suddenly she felt a sense of security filling her, embracing every inch of her body, warming her.

"I believe you El. And you have to know that I am not in any way blaming you for what happened. You are the best thing that ever happened to me, and I don't want to lose you. Ever." She said bringing their folding hands against her chest

Elliot closed his eyes and for a moment just stood there, sensing her heart beating beneath his palm. He felt shivers running down his body and his own heart beating like crazy.

They stood in total silence like this for some minutes. Their contact slowly started to make them feel more alive, it took away their pain and sorrow, replace their haunted thoughts with others, filled with hope.

"I should go now. Let you rest" Elliot mumbled after a while

Olivia raised her head and nodded silently, feeling as if she had just woken up from a deep sleep.

Without a word they walked to the door of her apartment. Before he exited, Olivia stopped Elliot by placing her hand on his shoulder.

"Come again tomorrow?" she asked. Elliot smiled and nodded

"Oh, and bring some Chinese, I kind of missed some real food" she said teasingly. Elliot let out a small laugh

"Sure thing. Goodnight Liv" he said still smiling

"Goodnight El" she said smiling herself and closed the door

She leaned against the door staring at the empty living room floor were once the carpet she threw away had been. For the first time in days, the sight of it didn't sent chills down her body. She knew that she still had a long way to go, but now she felt hope rising inside her, knowing that she had Elliot. In the thought of him, the thought of his lips against his neck, his calming, soothing voice and sparkling blue eyes that she could get lost on, she felt something else too, something that scared her, but in a good way. And for the first time since her attack, she looked forward for a new day to begin.

_And all the roads we have to walk are winding_  
_ And all the lights that lead us there are blinding_  
_ There are many things that I_  
_ Would like to say to you but I don't know how_

_ Because maybe, you're gonna be the one that saves me_  
_ And after all, you're my wonderwall_

_**Coming up, Olivia faces a big challenge. Will it rip her apart or will it make her stronger. And where her relationship with Elliot stands now?**_

_**So I know that a lot of people are reading this story. And I wanted to tell you that I really appreciate every review that has construcitve critisism, or a supporting comment! It's what keeps me going!  
**_

_**So I will upload the next chapter when I get at least 8 reviews on this one! :) Sooo read and review! :)  
**_


	7. Phoenix

_**That is the last chapter of my story. I want to thank everyone who reviewed, followed favorited etc.. this story. It was a tough one to write, and your support was amazing.**  
_

_**Disclaimer: I do not own SVU  
**_

_**Song: Phoenix by Stratovarius**_

_Like the Phoenix I rise From the ashes of life _

_I don't need fortune_

_Or fame Just some peace of mind_

_Like the Phoenix I fly leaving the lies behind_

_Future's golden for me There is no one who can stop me now_

She rubbed her temple and took a deep breath with closed eyes. She walked a few steps but stopped.

"You can do this" she thought. Her mind run again back to when she got the phone call.

She had just woken up and she was in a good mood, since she had managed to go again through the night without waking from a nightmare. That would make it four nights in the row, she thought and smiled. It was almost a month now since the attack and things were getting better and better. She hadn't been back to work yet, but she knew that day wasn't far away. Elliot was coming by often and the last two weeks she had agreed to leave the house and go for a walk in the city or lunch with him, or sometimes movie and dinner to his place.

She was thinking that maybe she would call Casey to schedule a lunch date, when her cell rang. Seeing Elliot's name on the screen, her smiled broadened, a regular habit the past weeks, every time she heard his voice.

"Good morning El"

"Morning Liv. How are you today?"

"Fine" she replied thinking that he was sounding a bit strange

"Something happened El? You're sounding…weird"

"Liv… we got him"

Her hand froze in the air just when she was about to pick up a cup of coffee

"When you're saying him…" she managed to say

"I mean him." Elliot said "Listen, you don't have to do anything, I just wanted you to hear it from me. I'll be there as soon as I can and…"

"I want to see him" She said

"Liv… are you sure?"

"I am. I'll be there in half an hour" she said surprising herself with how steady and sure her voice was coming out. She hung up and stood still for a second. Then with almost mechanic moves, she got ready and left her apartment without farther hesitation.

The minute she walked into the precinct, Elliot was on her.

"Liv, really, there's no…"

But he stopped when Olivia raised her hand

"Don't" she almost commanded. "But first of all…how?"

Elliot sighed

" He had managed to broke into an apartment, and he was about to rape a woman, Emily Patterson, when a dog she was looking after for a friend attacked him. He fell into a table, hit his head and passed out. Patterson then restrained him and called 911"

"And we are sure it's him because…"

"Emily Patterson fits his MO. Brunette, a lawyer whose latest case had hit the newspapers last week. When DNA results will be back we'll know for sure. We have sample from every one of his other attacks."

Elliot stopped and looked at Olivia in the eyes. He saw that she was trying to contemplate what he had just told her. So he raised his hands and placed them gently to her shoulders.

"Liv. We got him. It's over." He said quietly

"I want to talk to him" she repeated "Where is he?"

Elliot looked again into her eyes. And then he saw it. The flame that had been taken violently away from them a month ago, was there, making its appearance slowly but steadily. His heart started beating fast at this sight and then he knew that as much as he didn't like it, he had to let her do this.

"Interrogation room number 3" he said finally and she immediately walked away.

So there she was now, outside the room, not moving. She felt Elliot reaching her side.

"Are you ready?" he asked softly.

She just nodded and without turning to look at him, she pushed the door and stepped inside the room.

The moment she walked in, the man who was sitting cuffed behind the table in the middle of the room, raised his head. Once he saw who she was, he smiled cockily. Olivia felt shivers running down her spine.

"Well isn't that detective Benson. Long time no see, Olivia. It's been a month doesn't it? But I'm sure you remember that very well."

Olivia didn't answer, instead, she took a few steps inside, never losing eye-contact with him.

"A little quiet today, aren't we? You weren't so quiet the last time we met. _Please stop, let go of me_!" he said imitating a baby voice and then laughed, almost manically. " I have to tell you a secret" he went on, when Olivia didn't respond to him, again. " Beyond all the bitches I did, you were the best. You all think the world revolves around you, that you could get every man you want, with your sexy asses and successful careers, but I taught you who's in charge. And you are my best, my best achievement, the sex crimes detective, becomes the victim. Tell me, detective Benson, how's that feel?" he asked with a wide smile and his voice filled with a sick excitement.

The whole time the guy talked, Olivia didn't move a muscle. Her facial expression saw no emotions at all, but inside, her heart was beating so fast and a million thoughts were crossing her mind. When she finally spoke, her voice was calm and collected, but her eyes were burning.

" I didn't come here today to ask you why, or hear you bribe about your achievements, as you call them. I just came to say to you that everything that happened, made me stronger and more determined to do my job and catch more bastards like you. And that I'm glad that you're going to rotten in prison for the rest of your miserable life. When I'll walk out of that room today, I will never see you, or think about you ever again. I'll forget you'll exist."

And with that, she turned her back at him and walked out of the room, completely ignoring his angry yells. She closed the door behind and came face to face with Elliot.

"It's over El." She said and threw her arms around him. Elliot was at first startled but was quick to lock his arms around her too.

And as she was standing there hugging Elliot, she closed her eyes and suddenly, she felt lighter, and everything seemed better and brighter and then, she knew. She had got closure.

EPILOGUE

She paced back and forth in front of the entrance of the building. The night was cool and a pleasant wind was blowing, but her cheeks were flushed and her hands were damp with sweat. With one last look on the lighted window, she went inside.

Elliot was sitting on the couch, watching tv, but his mind was barely there. He couldn't stop thinking about Olivia, her smile, her touch, the way her hair smelled of lavender and every time he got close to her or hugged her, he would just close his eyes and got lost to that smell. A knock on his door, brought him back to reality. With a curious look, he sat up and went to answer.

He opened the door, only to find Olivia standing there, with a serious look on her face.

"Liv, is everything alright?" he asked a bit alarmed. She nodded.

" I had to come, I had to talk to you. If there's one thing this whole ordeal taught me is that life is precious and we should not waste it. We should live it, trying our best to have it filled with happy moments."

She raised her eyes and once again, blue met brown. Elliot felt like the air had left the room.

"So will you help me filled it with happy moments? Because right now, I cannot think of something that would make me happier, than being with you" she whisper and got close to him, their heads only inches away now.

There was no need for words or even, thoughts. Elliot leaned forward and captured Olivia's lips on a passionate kiss. After some minutes, they broke apart and Olivia smiled.

"I'll take that as a yes" she whispered.

Elliot stroked her soft cheek.

"You bet you do"

And with that, Olivia walked inside the apartment and closed the door behind them. They didn't know if it was fate or circumstances, but it was life and they were going to live it.

_Each day is a gift And I know that I can't lose_

_Glorious future is waiting for me, See how I run to my destiny_

_Like the Phoenix..._

_**So this was it. It felt like the best way to end it there. I hope you enjoyed it :) **  
_

_**I will have a new story uploaded this week! It is called "Love takes time" and it's very different from that one. In that, Olivia gets pregnant by Dean Porter, but he wants nothing to do with the baby. Elliot steps forward to help her, but things are getting perplexed when certain feelings come to surface. How will they manage to get through this?  
**_

_**So stay tuned if you are interested, and the first chapter will be up soon, if not tomorrow! Thanks again for all your support! xoxo kate  
**_


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